Archive for January, 2007

When your doctor says…

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

I asked Dr. Li what NOT to do, since when the doctor tells you what you CAN do, they are usually also saying “don’t do anything stupid. Here’s a guideline.” I don’t know as they operate under the premise that their patients are stupid to begin with, so I just cut to the chase and ask what would SUCK if I did it. His answer last meeting was: 
Don’t let Courtland hit you above the neck. 
Don’t talk too much. 
Brush your teeth. 
 
I was good about two of them…but I do believe I should have asked him what his definition of “too much” is. I mean, I talk A LOT on a regular basis (pre surgery of course) so not talking a lot for me might mean not narrating every step of my life, but maybe every other step. I don’t know. I think he may have meant I should talk even LESS than what I, Shelby of the Gab considers to be “not very much”. Long winded (as per me) story condensed a smidge: I talked too much today. My jaw is in rebellion where it spontaneously jars itself off center just to get me to yelp a little. I am considering reinstalling the bite plate a little early ce soir to give my jaw a little more stability…or I could bust out the tights again (I’m so fashion forward…soon the world will wear tights on their heads!). So…I need to shut up…and no more laughing!!!! Roger Roger 
 
Lesson learned? 
 
Don’t quote me. 
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When your doctor says…

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

I asked Dr. Li what NOT to do, since when the doctor tells you what you CAN do, they are usually also saying “don’t do anything stupid. Here’s a guideline.” I don’t know as they operate under the premise that their patients are stupid to begin with, so I just cut to the chase and ask what would SUCK if I did it. His answer last meeting was: 
Don’t let Courtland hit you above the neck. 
Don’t talk too much. 
Brush your teeth. 
 
I was good about two of them…but I do believe I should have asked him what his definition of “too much” is. I mean, I talk A LOT on a regular basis (pre surgery of course) so not talking a lot for me might mean not narrating every step of my life, but maybe every other step. I don’t know. I think he may have meant I should talk even LESS than what I, Shelby of the Gab considers to be “not very much”. Long winded (as per me) story condensed a smidge: I talked too much today. My jaw is in rebellion where it spontaneously jars itself off center just to get me to yelp a little. I am considering reinstalling the bite plate a little early ce soir so give my jaw a little more stability…or I could bust out the tights again (I’m so fashion forward…soon the world will wear tights on their heads!). So…I need to shut up…and no more laughing!!!! Roger Roger 
 
Lesson learned? 
 
Don’t quote me. 
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Field Trip

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

The other day we (Court, DB and I) went on a field trip. One of the destinations was the mall. Ah the mall. It’s bright, cheery, and utterly depressing. I know why I don’t spend more time there. I was on a calendar mission, and Mission Accomplished! This year on the back of the front door…(segue: now is it the back if it’s on the inside of the apartment? I know your apartment is on the other side of the front door…or “behind” the front door…but would your dwelling then also be in front of the back door? Is it to the side of the side door? I guess it’s “inside” the side door… But regardless…if the whole of your dwelling is INSIDE, then why are you behind? No. No drugs today. Maybe that’s the problem.) we have PENGUINS! Last year was Pandas. We also have a lovely MAC baby calendar (Hawaiian bab(e)y Miles)in the kitchen so there’s no forgetting what day it is in 2 parts of the house. Stellar. 
 
Where was I? The mall. Yes, the mall. People are RUDE at the mall!! It’s like I am the neighbor’s dog sniffing around on the MP (that’s Mall People) property and they are just WAITING for me to take a dump on their lawn so they can have a valid reason for severely disliking me. Walking down the inside of the mall, Courtland later confided in me, scared the crud out of him because he was pretty sure I was going to take a shopping bag or a shoulder to the face. I also have a history of getting really excited when I see things I like, and evidently don’t pick up my feet and frequently trip, and there was that one incident in the game store a few Christmases ago… 
 
So he had valid concerns. This came up when I was talking about getting out of his hair and driving over to see maybe my dad or something. Court said the risks were too high. I thought he meant I was a crap driver (and he may mean that), but ultimately what he was saying is that if I were to get in any sort of an accident, the chances of my chin being involved and the inevitable catastrophic negative impact on my healing that would ensue is not worth the risk. 
 
I am now bribing Court for a walk to Jamba Juice. Of course i will not benefit from this trip whatsoever.  
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Self and Society

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

Chat with CJ! 
 
cj  
Only day 20?… you’re further than that aren’t you? 
 
shelby 
I’m 3 weeks now! 
» wait 
» no 
» 4 weeks? 
» wait 
» no 
» I don’t know 
 
cj 
update the pictures then… 
 
shelby_cass2005  
Tell that to the man who has been keeping that site! 
» There aren’t many pix I got bored. What do you want to see? I’ll take the pix and post them just for you 
 
cj  
day 27….just counted…didn’t count the 26th… 
 
shelby 
I’ll get on his case.  
 
cj  
your hairs growing…. 
 
shelby  
really? 
» which one? 
 
cj 
I meant your hair…been staring at Excel…. 
 
shelby 
» I was just being a brat 
 
cj 
I know cabin fever much? 
» Have you been in public? 
» Are the bruises gone? 
» how’s the pain? 
 
shelby  
I go to Safeway and stalk the baby food aisle. 
» I had a conversation with a guy buying baby food…I told him it wasn’t all that bad if you added salt and pepper 
» He thought I was retarded. 
 
cj 
Shut up…that’s friggin’ hilarious…. 
» What’d he say? 
 
shelby  
seriously 
» I was being a dork in front of the shelves…you know, bobbing up and down doing my baby food dance… 
» and he came up behind me and was trying to see the food through my bobbing head and I didn’t know 
» And then he reached for something and I reached for something at the same time and I said Oh! I’m sorry. 
» And then I said (keep in mind I do sound like I am severely impaired) “you’re probably here for a different reason than I am.” 
» And he realised I was eating the food myself 
» and he said “some of these are just wrong.” 
» and I said “salt and pepper. LOTS of salt and pepper.” 
» but it sounded like “Saht ahn Peppa” 
» And he said “I like some of the fruits” and I said “Sweet potatoes!” 
» And he looked at me funny 
» and then I ran away. 
» I like to run around the store like a 2 year old 
 
cj 
awwwww….. 
Oh my god….Poor thing…. 
 
shelby  
We got to the check out and we had $100 worth of baby food (meaning many many many many containers) with some juice and cheese thrown in for color…and the checker says to Court, “well, at least you got SOMETHING for yourself after all that baby food. heh heh.” 
» And Court looked at the guy…and said 
» “yeah.” totally dead pan. 
» It was funny 
» People really do treat me like I am mentally handicapped. 
» So really it’s status quo 
 
cj  
he probably looked at Courtland w/sympathy because he was taking his retarded sister out for her weekly shopping….. 
 
shelby 
TOTALLY! 
» I’m totally Leonardo DiCaprio ala What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and I’m wearing red clogs. 
 
shelby_cass2005  
VERY special. 
 
colleenjohn  
rotflol 
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Insomnia

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

I am Shelby of the vampire hours. So…now that I CAN sleep, I CAN’T sleep. Suckage! 
 
The problem here is that for some reason, PAIN gets worse at night. How does it know? How does it know to hurt? if I locked myself in a room and didn’t let light in, my pain would still get worse at night. Why is this? What if I travel across a few time zones? I’ll bet it would still hurt more at night. 
 
So, since it hurts more at night, I don’t sleep so well. Since I do don’t sleep so well at night, I sleep really well during the day. Since I nap during the day, I don’t sleep well at night…I think I see a pattern. So I tried some synthetic intervention techniques. Mostly those sleeping pills I thought I’d never need again. I started with the OTC ones…nope. So then I did the Ambien CR. Yep. But I shouldn’t need those all night, so I would like to try the plain Ambien 5mg so it just gets me to sleep and helps me reset my little messy clock… 
 
Problem: My insurance doesn’t cover Ambien in small doses, only the big fat CR double coated ones. Gr. So now I wait for the doctor/insurance/pharmacy/me dance and in the meantime, it’s 4:35am, my teeth hurt, I’m not feeling tired even though I did not allow myself a nap today AND I walked a bunch (went in search of my favorite factoid-sharing Border’s employee – alas he was not there) AND I played Wii tennis, baseball and bowling (left handed bowling too!). Whaa. Want some cheese with that wine? 
 
mmm. Cheese. 
 
I love cheese. 
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Pizza Omlette

Sunday, January 21st, 2007

In case you are thinking of getting a surgery that entails not being able to eat solids for a while, or if you finnd yourself suddenly in a non-solid food eating situation…or if you just want a breakfast twist, I want to introduce you to Eggs Italiano! 
 
Pan w/olive oil, heat to med. Add minced garlic and onions. Saute until golden brown. Add salt, pepper, oregano, and any other seasonings you feel need to go in there. Add 3 scrambled eggs, do not stop stirring (we’re going for smooth and fluffy). When eggs are almost done, add marinara sauce. Stir in. Add mozzerella cheese. 
 
Put on plate and eat!  
 
Yum. 
 
I still have stitches in my upper and lower gums. They pull when I smile which is pretty frequent, so I have to watch Animal Rescue 911 and America’s Most Wanted a lot. I am also PMSing though, and when I cry I contort my face which pulls on the stitches too, so maybe I just need to play more Sudoku. I think I need a little timer so I can be an ever bigger dork. 
 
I am not only taking Ibuprofin and Aspirin every 3-4 hours and rarely need the Oxy. I’m also taking 2 stool softeners a day which you did not need to know, but which I need…and you didn’t want to know that either but..haha. 
 
My face is very dry. I put on lotion all the time, It’s weird. I went for a humidifier search last night but it was not behind closet door number one and that was all the work I felt like doing, so I just slathered on some more lotion. My palate is still mostly numb, so things like my tongue feel weird. I wonder when that will come back. I wish my lips didn’t sting as much, but whatcha gunna do? 
 
every night when I look in the mirror I have goop dried to my chin since I can’t feel when things drip onto it. You would think Court would say something. Yeah right. He doesn’t notice much. Typical man fashion. Drastic hair cuts, colors, cleaning…it’s pretty funny (except when it’s not). 
 
Dr. Li put me on 6 weeks of disability. That puts me back at work at the end of this month, but I don’t see that happening. My job really is talk talk talk…and you’ve seen what my non-verbal communication is like. There’s a reason Court thinks I am 1/2 Muppet. (Insert Shelby/Grover morph here…aaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!) 
 
I have only lost 10 lbs and and now I think gaining some back. I know I have said something about this before…someone tell me why I got this surgery! Oh, to breathe? Right. Yeah. Okay. That’s cool too. 
 
 
 
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pizza

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

There’s a movie called Pizza”. It’s next in my Netflix queue. I’m not obsessed. 
 
Court is playing Wii tennis now. It’s so funny how the little swingy “whiff” noises come through his controller and the sound of the ball hitting and bouncing are on the TV…so I get it in stereo. 
 
Today I went to see Dr. Li for my 3 week post op visit. I forgot to write about my 2 week post op visit so I guess I will do it now. 
 
A week ago I went in to see Dr. Li and had a question. I had been feeling up my face as I do these days and I noticed a hard lump/bump kind of thing on my chin. Now, I know that he cut a rectangular piece of bone out of my lower jaw and pulled it through by chin, inserted a screw, and twisted the bone slightly to prevent it from popping back through the hole he cut. He told me about that additional procedure the week before surgery. What I was wondering was, “Am I always going to feel this piece of bone? Am I always going to have this bump?” 
 
I think Dr. Li almost choked on his tongue right about then. He couldn’t even look up I think his stomach contracted so quickly. He immediately grabbed a human mandible (I have those sitting around my office too) and pointed at the tip of the lower jaw bone. He said in a very “I’m going to try to make you understand this very complicated thing so please bear with me” tone, “Shelby. This…BUMP…is called a CHIN POINT.” 
 
Okay so it hurts like MAD to laugh and my mom and Court were right there and I had to physically HOLD MY FACE on while I realised right then and there that this surgery did NOT prove I was NOT stupid. 
 
Dr. Li then (because this was a two part answer so as to drive it home) went over to his computer and pulled up a hundred or so pictures of before and after profiles of people who had had the GA (genioglossus/chin advancement) and said evry so condescendingly, “Now, SHELBY, this woman here would have said (pointing to before chin picture) that AFTER her surgery (pointing to after chin surgery) Dr. Li, I have a BUMP…” Things were flying out of my nose and my eyes were tearing and oh my jaw was aching…and still he continued. “This person would say they have a ‘BUMP’…and this person, and this person…” 
 
Okay so after Mom, Court, Dr, Li and I rocked the casbah at my painfully funny expense, I (and my new chin point) was released to the world of Gerber which really is not all that bad (though I have still only lost 10 lbs since surgery – maybe too many banana pear yummy goops) and managed to sleep, slurp, and snooze my way to today when Dr. Li performed the big plastic mouth guard liberation procedure that allowed me to yum up some mashers and eggers…and to finally BRUSH MY TEETH!!!!!!!!!!  
 
I can now confirm that most of the inside upper right side of my mouth is numb, and a lot of the left is feeling like I sat on it funny. Don’t try to imagine that. I bought new spoons (yes, I can even over-shop in the baby food section at Safeway) and have discovered that the cute soft ones that turn white if your food is too hot are AWESOME, and that I Hhope my nephew likes spoons made by Playtex (it was weird for me too) with little texture thingies on them (I have NO idea) because they hurt my mouth but they’re so cute! 
 
I guess I should get off my bum and do something…brushing the insides of my teeth sounds like fun! I will NEVER take that for granted again. 

Oh Mashed Potatoes!

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

how I love you! You are so yummy! Mmmm. Mashed potatoes! Groovy! 
 
Mmmm…scrambled eggs. You are yummy and so fluffy! My Pookie made you for me…Seasoned salt it makes you gooooood! 
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I'm a Gerber Girl

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

Well, Twosies are rocking my world. So much so, that I am contemplating a trip to Safeway right now (Court just went to bed) because I just ate the last of my Bananas with Apple and Pear Yum. I’m not overjoyed at the weird achey pain tingly numb burn feeling in my lower lip and chin, but I can say that I have definitely enjoyed the last few days without mind-numbing pain onsets every 2-3 hours. I would put my overall pain level at about a 2.5 with 400 mg Ibuprofin, 1000 mg Aspirin, and 2mL Oxy every 4 hours or so. 
 
I put a can of Spaghettio’s in the Bullet (Anne brought over a blendy toy she got for Xmas) and found out the best part of Spaghettio’s is the O’s…which do not exist after you blend them into a pulp. So that won’t be happening again. 
 
I eat Cream of Wheat in the morning and accumulate lots of stuff on my chin which I do not feel and sometimes even forget to wipe until my hair falls into my face and then stays there. I wash my hair a lot these days. 
 
Sweet potatoes rock. I love salt and pepper. Courtland likes poking holes in the top of my bowls of pudding and making it look like cat paw prints. He apologizes that for the first 2 weeks he made me only sweet things and didn’t think to get me baby food. I said it was fine…I didn’t think of anything better either…but then added that just because I have containers of turkey rice vegetable puree up the wazoo, he could still *batting of eyes* make me milkshakes *blink blink*. 
 
It’s weird that it has been 3 weeks already. I am so glad I am not going back to work anytime soon…I can’t even understand myself sometimes. For now I just look forward to my meeting with Dr. Li on Thursday when he will maybe let me take this big plastic bite guard thing out of my mouth for a moment and BRUSH MY TEETH!!!!!! Yeah. Can’t wait! 
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My caricature

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007

Victor has these posted and I never knew…

http://www.navone.org/Media/Caricatures/source/caric_shelby3a.htm

http://www.navone.org/Media/Caricatures/source/caric_shelby1.htm

He wrote and said he might need to change them now that I have a chin! teehee!
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