My Tortured Valentine (part deux)

There we were.  The Big Day looming ahead.  I thought I’d give Alex a break and tell him first thing in the morning who is Pal was.  I wrote him a note saying it’s been fun.  I’ll see you tomorrow.  I’ll be wearing a red ribbon.  I then proceeded to give a red ribbon to EVERYONE in the dorm to wear.  The first person he saw at breakfast was Cindy.  “YOU!” he said. “NO!” she said.  And so another torturous day had begun.  It was on.


I wrote another letter.  I had resorted to typing them since I’d run out of different handwritings and other people to do my dirty deeds.  This letter was a typed confession.  I realise I have been torturing you far too long.  It makes me feel bad that you are in such agony.  It must be driving you crazy, etc etc.  I printed the letter out, numbered down the side of it, one number per line (1-20 maybe).  And cut it into strips.  One line per strip.  I gave each strip to a different person in the dorm and gave them a time frame during which they should drop by Alex’s room to deliver it (in no real particular order except the last one).  I think I had line number 7 or something.  By the time I got to Alex’s room, he and Stefan had the letter laid out on a desk and were anxiously awaiting each new installment.  It started with Dear Alex,.  A couple hours later he was down to Love,.  Someone delivered a blank strip (you know, the space between Love and the signature).  Then our RA Amy went by with a strip of paper with her name signed on it.  “YOU!” he exclaimed.  “NO!  You idiot!  You thought it was me it’s not!  HAHAHAHA” she screamed.  I know this because I, on the 1st floor (with Alex’s room on the second) HEARD her.

Here are a couple more things you need to know.  On February 13, 1992, the Simpsons episode “Bart the Lover” was aired for the first time.  This was the episode where Bart finds out his teacher has a personals ad and responds to it as “Woodrow” her perfect man.  She falls in love with him and he stands her up on their meeting date.  He then feels horrible and goes to his parents for advice.  After confessing what he has done, he asks Homer and Marge how to break up with a woman, to which Homer dictates:

Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville.  Population:YOU.

Marge nixes that one, but Homer comes back with: “Three words: I.  Am.  Gay.”  Then procedes to try to convince Marge to put it in the post scrip: P.S. I’m gay!

Every week a bunch of us would get together to watch the new Simpsons in Alex and Stefan’s room.  I think there were about 6-8 of us.  You also need to know that Alex’s birthday is February 15. 

The evening of Valentine’s Day, Alex got a not so nice note telling him to hold his horses and wait til tomorrow when his pal would take him to dinner for his birthday.

The evening of February 15, Alex’s birthday, he came home from band practice to get ready for his dinner date to find a note posted on his door.  It read:
 

Dear Babe,

Welcome to Dumpsville.  Population: YOU.

Did you really think I would want to spend an evening with you?

Love,

Your pal

PS I’m gay

That was at about 7.  At 7:30 I walked up to his room wearing a big tshirt over my nice clothes to try to disguise that I was dressed to go somewhere.  Alex was playing the flute so I sat down and listened.  He did a double take at my tights so I think he knew then.  I said I was going to go close my door, went downstairs, got a rose, brought it back upstairs and asked if he was ready for dinner.  The end.

PS I’m gay.

One Response to “My Tortured Valentine (part deux)”

  1. Kim says:

    Fantastic. I love it. =)

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