I am the Burninator. Let me tell you why. The roof of my mouth is numb. I’m kind of in denial I guess about exactly HOW numb it is, because a few weeks ago I had my first post-surgery hard candy and was shocked at how weird it felt in my mouth. It basically pointed out every single numb spot it hit by spontaneously disappearing when I moved it over one. So..I’m numb. Whatever. Wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Would do the surgery again if transported back in time and just got diagnosed with sleep apnea. That does not, however, make me a smart person. No. Far from.
A few days ago Courtland and I felt the need to visit the golden arches. We usually split one meal plus extra sandwich so as to offset some of the guilt we feel towards our waistlines after dining. There was a new sandwich advertised all over the place. The new Southwestern Chicken Sandwich. And after ordering it, I found out that “Southwestern” means 2 pickles and no sauce. So now you know. Anywho, after powering down my half of the fresh from the fryer fries, I dug into said sandwich and watched enviously as Court devoured his Quarter Pounder. I couldn’t help it. I asked for a bite. And after that tasty taste, I offered him a bite of mine which he accepted. He leaned over the table, took a bite, and let out a howl as the bite dropped out of his mouth. “It’s HOT!” Hm.. I hadn’t noticed.
I took another bite and observed how I expertly re-routed all too-hot bits to the roof of my mouth until suitable for chewing. Interesting. I ate the rest of my sammie and would probably not have remembered the entire incident except later in the evening, when I swapped my day retainer for my night one, my tongue touched the roof of my mouth and I thought, “THAT doesn’t feel right.” I had to think a moment about why the roof of my mouth felt literally torn up until I remembered…and then I looked…and oooh baby. I think that’s what they call 3rd degree burns. Yeah? Yucky blisters? I am the Burninator. Numb, evidently = Dumb.
(taken by Sumul Shah )