Archive for July, 2008

Countdown to REAL food!

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

Saw Dr. Li yesterday.  This will be a boring Dr. Li entry because I was not my usual peppy self, but rather a sleep deprived grumpy scratchy throat version that no one wanted to be around, including myself.  I did manage to ask “What’s the difference between me and Toni that she feels better enough to go back to work today?”  To which he had a one word answer: Tonsils.  Okay.

To make myself feel better I have been eating 1-2 tsp of frosting a day.  Better than a cake a day, right?!?  Guh.  I tried eating stuffing but that started to pull my own stuffing out, so I had to stop.  Imagine having to stop eating stuffing after like 2 bites!!!  Torture. Pure torture.  I’ve taken to heating up cheese soup minus the extra cup of milk so it’s all goopy, then adding avocado and taco sauce.  It’s pretty num.  I also stopped at Safeway today after bringing boyfriend iced latte and taking stroll around Goose Poop Lake.  I bought deviled egg potato salad, artichoke dip, split pea soup, and creamed spinach.  Dr. Li says I can start eating real people food tomorrow but it won’t be like a nut party or anything.  Just softish real people food…so I stocked up.  Also, I’m allergic to some nuts, so that would probably never be a good thing. :P

This morning was nice though.  I woke up to modest kitten:

Such a little lady and a package arrived at the door!  I was immediately accused of online shopping since the box was from one of my favorite sites (, but I plead innocent!  Turns out, it was a GIFT for ME!!!  From my dear dear friend Nicholas.

What does that shirt say?

Can you not hear it?  Let me turn it up.

I\'m partial to farmboys.

Oh yeah, that’s right.

Have I mentioned how much I love my friends?  My friend Cynthia sent me a get well soon gift on itunes…Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog…OMG.  Can’t stop watching!!!  With my freeze ray I will STOP…the world.

Request for pictures acknowledged and supplied…

Sunday, July 27th, 2008

It has been brought to my attention that there has been a dearth of photographic evidence…and so I show you some things.

First, the recovery.  And my trusty nursemaid Rira and troublemaker Mochi…

my kitty makes me lazy

Mochi takes over the couch:

my couch.

Then awesome boyfriend bought fruit section of store.  I *heart* him and I *heart* living in California.

dreaming of smoothiesI am lovednum numdancing with fruits

Later on, pizza arrived at house…I did what I could to indulge…

I\'m a sucker for Chicago styledoh! (Note swelling in cheeks)

There you have it.  Still eating with the little spoon and a straw.  Cheers to you chewers out there.

So you think you can sleep in a bed…

Sunday, July 27th, 2008

…You lie down and think “Oh YES!  A BED!  My feet are not hanging off the end of the chaise.  I could sleep on my side!”…and then the stitches say “Let us irritate your throat.  Let us make you cough.  Let us make you choke.”  And then the boyfriend says “Urmph” as he turns over away from coughing girlfriend.  And coughing girlfriend says “sorry” and goes back out to chaise where she gets figity and decides to post a blog entry.

I miss my bed.

I remember now how I managed to gain weight last time

Thursday, July 24th, 2008


and cake does not.

Buy This App

Thursday, July 24th, 2008


My Pookie made it and is goooooooood.  Be sure to look up Drowning Mermaid and try.  It’s gunna be a thing.


Turning a Corner

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008

And hoping I don’t crash into anyone…:)

Saw Dr. Li yesterday…I think it was yesterday Well, if today is Tuesday then I saw him yesterday. Court had to drive because I guess you’re not supposed to drive on these drugs, and when we got into the examining room, Court hopped into the examining chair and I sat in the guest chair. Dr. Li walked in and stopped short when he saw Courtland.

“Hi! I’m here for my checkup!” said Courtland.

Dr. Li’s mouth moved a little but nothing came out. Then he looked at me and said “I don’t want to get in trouble.” I don’t know what that meant, but I laughed anyhow. And he said “Courtland! We’re always talking about you! Good to see you.”

I wiggled into the plush leather seat and Dr. Li tried to see into my mouth…he should have been wearing a mask–STEENKY! But I guess he’s used to it because he didn’t even grimace. As he was leaning over, his badge caught my eye and I looked at at and started laughing. I reached out and grabbed it and said “How old were you in this picture? Like 10?”

He laughed. Then I asked if I saw pix of him as a kid would I be like “Oh! A mini!” And he laughed again and said “That would be my son. People say he’s a miniature of me.” And now my mission in life is to see his son. Stalk much? *evil laugh*

So he gave me more drugs (did I mention I love him?) and instructed me to get as much laxative in as possible…! I have lost 10 lbs and no BM so maybe after that it will be like 15 lbs!!! *snicker* He said I would be turning a corner soon and he was right. Last night was much better and today I have barely had to take anything. It’s still really weird to be aware of stitches in my throat and swallowing is still something I am voting off the island, but it’s definitely better than the day before.

Courtland just got back from the store and he bought the fruit section. XOXOXOXOX You can’t have him, he’s MINE!

Follow up Appointment at 10:30

Monday, July 21st, 2008

Here it is…4am on Monday morning.  My dear dear laptop hath passed away RIP.  I am waiting til my next dose…which makes me feel like a junkie until I realise 1. a junkie wouldn’t wait and 2. I am in PAIN!

I wonder if Dr. Li is going to refill my prescription.  I sure hope so.  I have been good about administering but when it hurts…man it hurts.  I feel like someone split my lip open to the bone in the chin…oh wait, they did.  And my ears seem to be affected somehow by this whole thing.  I have to ask about that.  I have to plug my ears before I swallow to help prevent some of the pain.  I don’t know if it actually prevents any pain, but at least I’m distracted because my fingers are in my ears and I am trying to swallow?  Who knows.  It still hurts.  But yes, less than a few days ago.  I am, in fact, on the mend.

My friend Duncan said I am probably not getting enough protein with my 1 ensure a day, so recommended I order this stuff he says is NOT chalky…so either it’s not chalky and I get more protein, or he just inherited another container of it :)

On the upside…or is it downside?  I have lost about 8 lbs.  Of course the day I actually EAT something 1/2 of that will come back, but I’m still pretty happy.  Go surgery diet!

Ugh I have a feeling Dr. Li is going to make me open my mouth.  That will suck.  I really cannot move my lower lip much without horrible pain.

Okay I’m done complaining.  I will now return to my lump on the chaise lounge.  Bye bye.

PS My car Rira snores.  Should I worry?  :)

Eddie, Eddie, wherefore art thou Eddie.

Saturday, July 19th, 2008

Alas, the tickets purchased with glee months and months ago have left the building without me tonight.  Eddie Izzard in SF…I sent Courtland and the other 5 tickets into the world where C, R&D, EV and some lucky street ticket purchaser will by now be sitting in velvet chairs laughing their asses off to the rhymes and reasoning of Mr. Eddie Izzard.  And so I write…But don’t feel sorry for me (unless your feeling sorry for me makes Eddie stop by apres show for a drink or something) because I am going to share the story behind the infamous Shelby and Eddie boob grab picture.  And even if I have already shared this (which I know I probably have)…I don’t care!  Leave me be.  I’m on opiates, not at the show, so reliving the good old days.

Here’s how the story begins:  I’d just been dumped.  REALLY DUMPED.  Like right on my ass and found out I didn’t bounce dumped.  And it sucked.  One of the first phone calls I made was to C who, as it turns out, was probably the best person I could have called.  The next day, she called back and said, “I was thinking.  If I had just been dumped and had crawled under my bed to sulk, I might want someone to take me to see Eddie Izzard.”  To which I replied (read: wailed), “I CAN’T!  My eyes are PUFFY!!!!!” Banter banter, babble whine, hang up.  Called back maybe 20 seconds later and said “Um.  Can I still go?”

Eddie had just gotten his new boobs.  The ones I hear were modeled after Uma Thurman’s…  and his show “Sexie” spent a large amount of time talking about said breasts, executive transvestitism, and airplane cabin pressure.  I laughed.  And I laughed.  And I laughed.  I gufawed more than a few times.  I may have peed in my pants a little.  It was awesome.  And to make things AWESOMER, turns out our buddy Warren had procured BACKSTAGE PASSES, and I had talked and walked someone into buying a disposable camera at the corner Walgreeens.  So there we were with Eddie and my friends who are loud mouth smart asses were SILENT.  Like little kids looking at their first TRex.  It was stunning.  There we were, in Eddie Izzard’s dressing room…and he was all tired post show and my friends were all wired and star-struck post-show and I was all I-could-give-a-flying flock-of-sheep post-dumping so I said, “Aren’t we going to take a picture?”

We stood together and *snap* it was done.  I felt less than exhilerated.  I thought it would look like our 3rd grade picture with Mrs. Izzard.

So I said, “can we do another?  But with more action?”  And everyone kind of looked at me blankly…and it occurs to me they were possibly mortified I’d been invited.  I said, “Since a lot of the show was about breasts, let’s all hold our breasts for the picture…and I’ll hold Eddie’s.”  To which Eddie replied, “You can try.”  “Pardon?”  “You can try.”  I accepted the challenge.  1-2 grab boob-3 click.

Eddie and class...

Then Eddie turned to me and said, “Well…?  How was it?”

I turned blond.  “How was what?”  he motioned towards his ample busoms and I exclaimed “Oh!  Right!  Well, actually I wasn’t paying attention.  Do you mind?”  I reached forward and he offered breast.

I compared…with what I had on hand (my own).  Squeeze, jiggle…heft… “Pretty good!”
“Really?” he says, and I say “Yes.  Here..” and offer my breast (as a lady should).

He compared.  Squeeze, jiggle, heft…”They’re perky!.”

“Mine?” (oops, blond moment again)

“AND mine…” he says.  Right we were talking about his…so then I cannot help it.  I must…and I did…and here you are.

Worth a thousand words ya think?

My dad was so proud.

memories….light the corners of my mind…(sung a al Tom Hanks in Big)

Well, well, well…so this is the other side. I’m gunna go with I don’t like it.

Friday, July 18th, 2008

Woohoo!  That’s a sound I am certainly not making…since swallowing my own spit peaks me to close to a 10 of 10 pain scale.  But I am now officialy recovering, right?  Who knows what the final results will be…with all this swelling I’m sure it will be dramatically different than how it feels right now.

I’m only writing a quick note to let you know I survived.  Dr. Li hid in a corner of the OR while I was getting my drugs (because he was slinging plenty of garbage across the room that morning), so he might not survive when I have my strength back…  ah I tease.  He’s a great doctor.  Came to see my twice while I was in the hospital.

I did NOT have ANY idea how bad this was going to hurt.  Oh my gosh…seriously.  Now I know why some people get the UPPP and then never go any further even though the MMA would help/cure…this surgery is a doozie!!!  I don’t think the oxycodone made a dent the 1st 24 hours, but I’m sure I’ll be pounding the aloe vera and prune juice to make up for the doses I painfully got down every 2 hours like clockwork.

My friend David came over and brought me ice yesterday.  That rocked.  Now my daddy is coming over and I aksed him for ice too.  Who knew this would swell so much?  My gills from the tonsils and my poor poor chin from the re-cutting and re-moving of the screws.  Yes. I kept the screws.  To be posted later.  Now off to try to get some semblance of calories…ensure…blech.

Here we go…Another day, another surgery

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

Ah…I shy away from the blog when it’s important…don’t know why.  And this is important, so of course I ignored the blog for 2 weeks because that would make it all too real.  Unfortunately, it’s still real whether I write about it or not, so here I am.  Writing.  And tomorrow, I get surged.  Again.

Last update I found out the 34.8 sleep index and broke Dr. Li’s eardrum with profanities (ok really just one profanity).  The following Monday I had a meeting with Dr. Li and this is how it went:

Dr. Li enters room “Shelby!  How ya doin’?”

“I’m good.  Tired…”  Sad look.

Dr. Li gets out his fave tools and stretches my nostrils to see into my airway.  Then shines the light down my throat and turns his back to me.  He looks at my pictures on his computer and I turn around in the chair and say “Whatcha thinkin’?”  And he mooshes his face like an unhappy muppet and I say “Don’t make the muppet face!  Are you thinking ‘reverse Stanford Protocol’?”  To which he nods…and still has his lips all pressed shut.  “UPPP? I ask.”  “No, I don’t do that” he says.  “You keep your uvula.”  “So I can still speak French?”  He stops a sec…and smiles.  “Exactly.  So you can still speak French.”  “‘Cause that’s important” I say.

He explained to me what he would do: the tonsils and the soft palate lift thingamabopper.  I ask “You going to take my adenoids?”  “You don’t have adenoids” he says.  “Oh.  I didn’t know that.  Why not?”  “You don’t have adenoids ever since you became…a girl.”  I paused.  “Hm.  I never knew girls didn’t have adenoids.”  “Everyone has adenoids, but they shrink when you hit puberty.”  Another pause and I say, “I think you should know, I was born a girl.”  He looks sideways at me and shakes his head.

As we are parting ways, I tell Dr. Li I am so stressed about this whole thing I found a white hair IN MY EYEBROW.  And he looks up at my face and says “I see that.  I think you have more than that ONE.”  Smart ass.  So I hit him…on the left arm.  And I am sorry if it affects his surgery, but he deserved it.  I happen to have ONE white hair on my head that I see every so often when I part my hair a certain way and that was IT until the rogue eyebrow hair.

Anyway, I went out to the front desk and found out they could get me in on the 16th of July so they whisked me back into the office for my pre-op.  I figure I’m sofa city sweetheart until I get this fixed, so sooner is better than later if I want my bed back.  Dr. Li gave me my prescriptions and all that jazz and said to me “With this surgery…AND you losing more weight…I will get you and Courtland in the same bed.”  That’s a mighty promise since we’re kind of spoiled with our 2 queens pushed up next to each other…but same room would suit me juuuuuust fine!  As we shook hands, I looked at Dr. Li’s full head of hair and said “I’m pretty sure you have WAY more gray than I do.”  And he stood there for a sec, mid-shake, then said “I can’t say anything.  You’re right.”  w00t!

So, tomorrow morning 5:30 am check in and 7:30am surging.  Tonsils out, soft palate lifted, and screws from chin removed…I stay one night and then go home for 3 weeks of a wicked sore throat and then…  dare to dream …sleep.

Nighty night.