Archive for March, 2007

No Way….WAY

Saturday, March 31st, 2007

I feel good.

Really good.

I went into the kitchen to get my daily dose of Naproxen when I realised (as I was counting out how many I needed) that I felt really good. I am not aware of my jaw, only the incisions on the top of my mouth. My gums feel weird (in a not feeling them kind of way) when I move my mouth around, but all and all, just sitting around I feel FINE. Like Jack Nicholson and Jerry Hall in Batman when Jack is primping in front of a mirror and Jerry walks up behind him and says “You look FINE” to which he replies with typical Jack panache, “I didn’t ask.”

So, even though you didn’t ask, I’m gunna say: I feel FINE.

(*happy dance*)


Monday, March 26th, 2007

I think my face is weird…but that’s maybe because it is finally proportional. Is that right? Well, My face used to end right below my mouth, but now it doesn’t.

weird faceOkay, granted self-portraits don’t look great, you can see my chin is very much in plain view. You can also see that I still have some swelling in the jowl area and I look like Droopy Dog. teehee I’m not complaining. It is what it is. I have found that smiling (however weird it may feel with lots of numbness) is a better look for me and my new facial addition.

smileUm…probably a more normal smile would work better, but you get the picture.

So here’s what my smile looked like before surgery and after:
pre surgery smilepost surgery smile

More chinnage.

Okay it took way longer than it should have for this blog to be written and all…so I am off to do Monday things in a Monday way. Ciao. – smac

A Tiscuit a Tascut a Green and Yellow Basket…What the heck is a tiscuit and how do you spell it?

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007

Mmm mmm good! I can’t stop gnawing on things! Why? Because I CAN!!! I’ve been getting my chopers back slowly but surely. I do my little “open up and saw OW” exercises to get my mouth open wider and Dr. Quo’s Otrhodonic force to be reckoned with has gotten my molars a bit more intimate, though still no touching. YET. Naughty teeth. I know what they want.

Okay moving on.

Court makes this wonderful little breakfast food…Sausage Court Muffin…that sound just so wrong. But it’s a Sausage Mc’Muffin minus the Mc and plus the Court. How would you put it? Anyhow, I found these cool pre-formed just throw em in the oven biscuits in the pudding part of the Safeway refridgerator section, so I brought them home and one night we had breakfast for dinner and I got to eat the thing…assembled! Didn’t have to dissect…cause it was squishable. So exciting.

Biscuit height

It was THIS BIG!!! (pre-squish)

ow ahh


stuck biscuit

I think it’s stuck.

I can do it!

You can DO it!



I know you’re jealous. Get your own. teehee!

Entirely Uninhabitable with Operating Olfactory System

Friday, March 16th, 2007

DUDE. Our apartment REEKS. It is horrible. It’s as if we have turned into the crazy cat lady house overnight and we only have two frikkin cats. I used to pet sit for a friend I had in hight school. He family had way too many cats and dogs and their house was horrible to smell. She had a stuffy nose all the time. Allergies? Well, needless to say, she didn’t smell it. Her parents probably didn’t either. But now…what I have vowed against all my life has come to pass. I need help.

It all started with Rira. Okay correction: It all started with me and all my CRAP. Mountains of it. Rira likes to climb mountains. And when she jumps off said mountains, they tend to crash down and make a big(ger) mess. Now that Court is in the 2nd room as his office, he thought perhaps he would prevent nocturnal damage to the room by closing the door. Makes sense. But he neglected to take care of one little detail. He locked Mommy cat in there…for over 12 hours. Not his fault at all, and really what kind of cat mother am I to not notice that Mommy was not present at bedtime (I think I may have reveled actually in the lack of litter in my bed that night. Serves me right). So, unfortunately, the next morning when I was looking for Mommy, we found her in the closed off room…and try as I know she did, she had to go to the bathroom…and chose to do it under my desk. I’m surre she thought she was doing us a favor by not using the furniture or something, but it’s very hard to get under there… We cleaned with good old Nature’s Miracle…and all was good…until Court accidentally did it again. oops. Seriously. He felt so bad about it, it seemed a pity he should have to suffer even more by then working in the smelly cat pee room. So we scrubbed again…but then life turned horrible(r).

Frikkin’ Rira. She has decided that is the new litter box and goes right under Court’s nose. Literally. He’s sitting right there!!! And so now I have ripped the carpet up (oopsie I got mad) and poured tons of Nature’s Miracle on both sides of the carpet AND the pad underneath and scrubbed and scrubbed and then poured calcium carbonate (in the form of some odor removing bottle of stuff with the named Tidy Cats on it) on the top and bottom and the pad and then we set up two fans to blow their little hearts out…and hence the entire apartment smelling like CAT URINE wearing really cheap perfume.

I went online and ordered some Urine-Off product that’s supposed to work, and a blacklight so I can see how gross my carpets really are. I’m going to have a cow pretty soon and all my crap has GOT to go. Seriously. I think I am either listing everything on Craigslist or throwing it in the dumpster or having a garage sale. This is crappy. I hate myself sometimes.

So…again, don’t stop by anytime soon. It’s stinky here!!! And also, I’m not in the most convivial of moods. So unless you want to take all my stuff away from me in a nice un-wrenched from my dying hands manner, we should maybe talk later rather than sooner. It’s cause I care that I tell you these things.

smac out

2 Wasted Days…and now we know why I don’t have a computer job

Sunday, March 11th, 2007

UGH. Ever had one of those days…two days in a row? I have. Don’t try it. It, in a word, sucks.

Jewelry is not treating me well these days. Don’t know why. Just is. I have one worksurface for both computer work and jewelry work. It’s a built in security measure. Security from what? From me leaving my jewelry stuff all over the place. The other security measure is having two cats who have no respect for trays full of loose beads, but I guess that wasn’t enough pressure for me in the past (my multiple bags of “non-sorted” beads as proof). Anyhow, I pushed my keyboard back, lowered my chair, and decided to be creative yesterday. Creative my big fat (nowhere near 135 lb.) BUTT. Jewelry-making is supposed to be kind of has been in the past. Well, the kind of zen moments I was having yesterday involved detailed thoughts of death and dismemberment, so perhaps I should find a different word. I give up. 4 hours later I had jack all to show for my time and a pain in the neck. Literally. How ergo is that? So then Court and I got in an argument over why I should (he says NOT) get the electralift desk I found on sale (only problem is it’s blue–who cares? It’s an electralift desk!!!). I say I need it or I will never make jewelry again (melodrama anyone?) He has some logical argument I refuse to listen to. Whatever. We all know I’m right. Right? Right.

So my conclusion yesterday was: Who the hell am I to “make” jewelry? Do I think I’m something special? And Court said that was irrational and non productive thought. Who _IS_ this man? I went to bed, played Sudoku, and had dreams of a room full of birthday cakes (and I tasted all of them except the carrot cake and what was that doing in my dream anyhow?). I also dreamt I was witness to a dual orca drop from flying blimp pods into a Sea World pool. You shoulda been there. It was awesome.

Today (after enjoying breakfast in bed-yeah that’s right!) I got up with visions of butterflies. Really. I was going to make cascading butterflies out of beads and wire. As with most visions I have, I went to the place where the visions were to be realised, sat down, and did something completely different. Today it was computer stuff. A little of this, a little of that…posted some stuff on eBay…decided to update my jewelry website…worked for 4 hours and then Court said “I made lunch” and it smelled so good so I clicked “Post” and it took me back to the login page. WHAT THE FLOCK of Seagulls?!?!?! I calmly (HAH) cursed out myself and the computer and .Mac and opened a tab and logged in and tried going back to the page I was working on in the other window I’d been working in…and Court tried to both help me and talk me down from the edge of chucking the screen (actual computer too heavy for chucking) across the room and well, THAT didn’t go well. Then I found out it was daylight savings. Another thing for my butt. So I didn’t just lose 4 hours of work (yes, it’s ALL GONE–and yes this has happened before and NO I don’t learn. So be quiet.), I lost FIVE.

Yes, my jaw hurt like heck and yes it hurts now just thinking about it, so I am going to go play Sudoku and dream of a better time and place where three-toed sloths on jetskis drive me to school every day where I get straight A’s.

Oh, here’s some pix for kicks:

me laughing

this is me laughing because I tried to take a picture and said “My camera is broken” and then realised it wasn’t ON. I smart.

Braces and curry
I now have 5 teeth that touch and can eat chicken (like a rabbit eating a carrot). Can you tell I have been eating lots of curry? Blame Court. He’s been experimenting with Indian spices.

Ah, the profile.

Good night.

A long way from 135

Saturday, March 10th, 2007

135 is the weight I’d like to be. I’m nowhere near that. let’s pretend 135 is the name of the highway I want to be on. As far as I know, I live by highways 101, 280, 92, 35, 85, 1…and quick search reveals that there is a Texas State Highway 135 that runs from Gladewater to Jacksonville in East Texas. That is about how close I am to my ideal weight. Even if we go with the nearest State Highway 135 in CA, it’s all the way in Santa Barbara.  Still not on my map.  Stellar. I think I’ll eat a cake. Oh no wait, I alreaady did that.

So, I don’t know what diet those guys who had an MMA were on, but as far as I can see, they lost 10 lbs after surgery and kept it off. I obviously took a different boat. I lost 10 lbs then went on a mission to find it and anything else in my way. Woe is me, I know, but I don’t get it. When I am distraught, I don’t eat. But uncomfortable? Serve it up five ways, deep fry it and give me a fork (or spoon these days). So when I migrated from horrible pain to horrible discomfort, I migrated from a soft pillow to rest my head on to a soft cake and nearest utensil (lots of times my fingers). Sounds gross. Well, looks gross too. And every week I say: Wow, this is the biggest I’ve ever been. And every week I am not lying.

I’m going to have to find a new way of dealing with stress. Domestic stress=me in ball on floor/under bed/under covers or madly cleaning the house (Court, don’t get ANY ideas from that!) so it’s not that one. Work stress does not = more food consumption since I can usually substitute a big cup of cranberry water with a straw and I can’t really work and eat at the same time since my job is talking to people. So it’s just my own stupid discomfort and it feeds itself. I hurt? I eat. I eat, I gain weight. I gain weight, I get upset. I am upset, I eat. EVEN WTH MY JAW BANDED SHUT! And now even with the inability to CHEW!!!! I have found numerous ways to get the calories in, and every way to get the calories to go away seems to cause physical discomfort (wind on face nerve problem not condusive to exercise outside and cardio inside usually means DDR or Wii which requires sharp bopping head movement which can sometimes lead to pain) so I eat.

This has GOT to stop. I’m embarrassed to leave the house. I’m embarrassed to go to work. I don’t want to visit friends who have not seen me since before the surgery because I know the first thing they will see is the extra poundage. And don’t try to tell me I’m wrong because I’m not. You also don’t have to tell me I’m right because I am and it sucks. It’s bad when I look back at pictures I absolutely cringed at that I now think “gee…and I thought I was overweight THEN.” Too bad you can’t lose weight in your sleep. I certainly run around a lot in my dreams! That should count for something dontcha think?

Bleeding dry…but at least I can breathe!

Friday, March 9th, 2007

I’m operating under the assumption that paying every single penny I earn and lots of pennies other people earned that I have to pay back is well worth the fact that I don’t worry about death by sleep on a regular (nightly) basis. There’s my disclaimer. Now I’m going to sob for a moment about the $4,000 I just paid to the good doctor Li and the triple that number I need to come up with very soon to finish paying for the surgery from which I am still recovering. I had to make a beeeeeg down payment before the surgery…and now I’m combing through my tax info to see how many pennies I can eek back on medical bills and send it right back over to the aforementioned good doctor. Don’t get me wrong. He deserves every penny. I just wish I had those pennies handy. I’m pretty sure there are no more left under my couch cushions.

Speaking of couch cushions. Last night Courtland acknolwedged to me that my lovely favorite piece of furniture the chaise lounge (which I make everyone faint onto when they notice it) is in fact the best seat in the house. Ever since he got sick he’s been holed up all snuggly on that chaise which is where I had spent most of my recovery and certainly all of my TV viewing time…until he played the sick card…and now I think what I need to do is sell my couch (which I purchased at Z Gallery AFTER purchasing the chaise ) and get another chaise…opposite facing…so we can make our living room look really funny but be oh so comfy. The suck thing about the couch is the fact that the bottom cushions are separate. With the pretzel way I sit at times I find myself halfway under a seat cushion and very uncomfortable sometimes. So I want a couch that has one pad on the seat…not three. Pipe dreams. I’ll get on that right after I finish paying off all my medical bills. *inhale* *exhale* breathing is good.

Sick Boyfriend, needy cats…what, are we making up for lost time?

Saturday, March 3rd, 2007

Evidently it’s payback for me being on my butt for a few months. Court came back from his conference in New Orleans with THE FLU. Yes, that thing we all think we had until we get it and then we realise no, we’ve had COLDS, but THE FLU…that’s a whole nuther bug altogether.

So…the self professed unsympathetic guy is a flu flu mess and a big fat lump of no good when it comes to taking care of himself. This is actually a good thing for me in that I got out of the house. Seems I can do things when it’s not just for me. We needed ginger ale and chicken noodle soup. So I got some. And I got crickets for the critters. Not the cats. The cats got Science Diet Mature Adult (fogies they are) yet still they hound me. I need more hands…that detach…

Tonight saw pain of a different less frequent kind. My bones hurt…kind of my bones. Whatever it is that hurts (this is not hard pain, just tender ache really), it feels better to lightly press on the bones like my cheekbones or my jawbone. Not my chin. Don’t touch my chin! But I find myself kind of pressing just under my cheekbones and just under my nose and just under my lower lip…and I realised it’s probably right about where the incisions were made. Who knows why they’re particularly talkie tonight. Maybe there was some major pressure drop or rise or…I don’t know. Somethings inside there is just being rather persnickety. Oh well. Still feel a world better than I did before the surgery…or immediatley after it for that matter!

I’m pretty much caught up on rest from the grand total of 10 hours I worked last week. Monday was the worst as far as tired was concerned. I flat out passed out on the chaise…in the middle of Bones! You know I was tired. Tuesday I did much better. Wednesday got me driving around to see what exactly causes this horrible shooting jaw pain…Thursday I went to SF to see ND and foudn out while trying to find a parking spot in her neighborhood that STRESS is the villian. Just add a small dose of stress to my brain and I do something to my jaw that makes it scream. Perhaps I am wiggling it from side to side (which hurts when I try to do it). When I clench it really just involves extering a lot of pressure on my front teeth (not the very front ones but the second to front ones that actualy touch. (Dr. Li says another 2 months before the back teeth get friendly with each other.) So I don’t think it’s the clenching by itself. I think I may clench and wiggle…and just one dose of that flares me into little Wil E Coyote Acme dynamite explosions of Oh Crap.

Of course I had to test my theory. I went to pick up Court from SFO that night and tried to be cool calm and collected as I attempted to navigate the parking garage. I hate the SFO parking garage. Just for the record. I also don’t think the ergo at the parking checkout was addressed as well as it could have been (yes I saw the before and after and they did do a lot, but still…it hurt to watch our checkout person work!). I noticed when I thought I was racing the clock and might get the call from Court before I was at the terminal, my jaw started to hurt. When I realised he wasn’t calling and I was at the airport, I entered the parking structure and decided to meet him at the gate like a good girlfriend picking up her sickly boyfriend (he sounded absolutely pitiful on the phone before his flight). As I got frustrated with signage and felt like I was driving in circles, my jaw started to hurt. I think I’m on to something!

So here’s my conclusion: hard deadlines hurt me. I don’t want them. So there. I don’t make the rules. My jaw does.

Me today

Thursday, March 1st, 2007

No offense Court, but you suck at managing that photo blog! I love you just the same.

Toothy grin



See my itsy bitsy scar? They did all THAT surgery through such little holes!!!

Just don’t look _inside_ my mouth.


This little scar went to the market…where is it? okay, I _can_ see it, but only barely!


I think I got an extra dimple!